Who Knew
by sparklepop777
Summary: What exactly went through Addison's mind when she was standing on the ferryboat? Songfic to "Who Knew" by Pink. Oneshot.


**Okay, seriously random songfic I came up with after watching Pink's Who Knew? music video. It's so sad and Addison throwing the rings is my wallpaper so I was like darn you monster of inspiration! So I wrote this. And it looks a little messed up so please forgive the strange spacing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pink or her song or her video or Grey's. I just put them together as an act of procrastination. :D**

* * *

You took my hand

You showed me how

You promised me

You'd be around

Uh-huh

That's right

Addison climbed until she was at the top of the ferry. The sun was just starting to set in a cloudy sky, and in Seattle, she had learned that you needed to take advantage of the few times you saw it. The breeze was blowing gently and it hit her in the face. She took a deep breath. There was always something about high places for her. She liked being able to see into the distance. It was also one of the few places she felt it was alright to be alone.

I took your words

And I believed

In everything

You said to me

Uh-huh

That's right

She remembered sneaking out to the roof of the hospital she used to work at. This is where she had broken down. No one had seen it, either of the men she had loved so much. By then she had been with Mark three times, and her pain had numbed to a dull throb. She was sore. Everything was sore. The pain wasn't sharp, in bursts. It was a constant, lingering bruise that she couldn't stop pressing.

When had this happened to them? When had they grown up and become cold-hearted manipulators?

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

"_I'm getting there."_

"_Not if I get there first!" But Derek had already started up the hill._

"_Cheat!" yelled Mark, running after him._

"_Hey! Hey! Guys! Wait up!" Addison had run after them, but she was no match for Mark and Derek's twenty-year old legs. They flew up the hill while she settled for stomping purposefully behind them, laughing all the way._

"_One of you is going to end up getting yourselves killed someday!" she shouted. "Don't say I didn't warn you."_

"_Aw, Addi, you're no fun," said Mark. He dove and caught Derek by the ankles. They both fell on the grassy side of the hill._

"_Really, Addi, have a little fun!" yelled Derek. Both men were currently trying to pin one under the other._

"_Did you just call me boring?" Addison had finally gotten herself up the hill and parked herself right above them. She dove into the pile. Squealing, they lost their balance and started rolling down the side of the hill, over each other, under each other._

"_How do we stop?" yelled Derek._

"_I can't even tell which was is up anymore! How am I supposed to know? Get your elbow out of my face!" shouted Mark._

"_Sorry, Derek, I think that's my elbow," said Addison. They were slowing to a stop. They finally caught their breath and lay at the bottom, staring at the sky. That lasted about ten seconds._

"_Addison, your heel punctured my leg!" complained Derek._

"_Your heel IS puncturing my leg," growled Mark. "Get off. Now."_

_Addison rolled over. "I'm so not boring," she said, miffed._

"_You're not boring," chorused the two men._

"_You're exciting," said Derek.  
_

"_Beautiful," said Mark._

"_You're the only person who can stay up 48 hours straight and still make it to a sale."_

"_And still spend about $500," finished Mark._

_Addison rolled onto her side. "Please don't tell me you rehearsed that. That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard."_

"_Aw, Mark, she didn't like our song. Whatever shall we do?"_

"_Cry about it," answered Mark with a smile, and they both attacked her, tickling her until she screamed._

"_You are the best friends ever," she said, smiling at both heads above her._

"_Now who's talking crap?" said Mark, and the tickling resumed._

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong

I know

Better

Cause you said forever

And ever

"_Congratulations!" yelled Mark. He came over, drink in hand. "Now you two have fun tonight, got it?"_

"_Mark," Addison groaned._

_Derek shook his head. "Thanks for everything."_

"_Don't worry, I'll leave the place nice and trashed…what? It's a wedding reception!" he protested when both Shepherds gave him a look._

"_Oh, don't go all old-married couple on me," he said. "You know I'd take care of this place like it was my own."_

"_That's what scares me," said Derek. "At least we didn't have to have this at our house."_

"_Oh, God," groaned Addison, picturing her beautiful furniture torn to pieces._

_Mark laughed. "Whatever." He hugged Addison. "You look great," he said. "Have fun, and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."_

"_I'll do my best," she giggled._

_And you…he clasped Derek in a bear hug. "Are the luckiest guy in the world. I'll see you when you get back."_

"_We're married," Derek said as they got into the limo._

"_We're married," Addison repeated._

Who knew?

Addison leaned against the middle of the ship so she was looking out at the water. The tears hadn't come because she'd done this countless many times before. There was no use mulling over the past when it was done. All she had was what she had now to work with.

She understood how it was meaningless toward the end. They had clung to each other for so long that it was hard to stand on their own, even if they had been drowning before.

He'd found his air. Why couldn't she? She wanted to get out of the water. She wanted to get on with her life, but she was stuck. What was she clinging to? Nothing, and if she didn't get out she'd drown.

Remember when

We were such cools

And so convinced

And just too cool

Uh-huh

That's right

If she hadn't chosen him, if she hadn't slept with Mark, if she hadn't stayed with him, if Meredith Grey hadn't been in Seattle, if she hadn't come back here, if she had stepped aside, if he hadn't decided to try again…there were too many if's. It was useless to dwell.

What was she supposed to do? She couldn't just set this behind her. It was a decade of her life, a third of her life. How could she just go on like it never existed?

She rocked back and forth with the sea. It was constantly moving. Life would go on.

That's when it hit her. The sea.

I wish I could touch you again

I wish I could still call you my friend

I'd give anything

They hated her now. She deserved this. She made her bed in blind hurt, anger, and need, and now she had to lie in it. She was fine with that. Hopefully one day the storm would clear, but whatever they had long ago would be overshadowed by this. She couldn't do anything about it. She had to wait for the storm to blow by, but she didn't have to stand in its path.

When someone said count your blessings now

For they're long gone

I guess I just didn't know how

I was all wrong

Addison walked to the railing. She would grant this marriage its deserved memory. That and nothing more.

They knew

Better

Still you said forever

And ever

Who knew?

I'll keep you locked in my head

Until we

Until we meet again

Until we

Until we meet again

And I won't forget you my friend

What happened?

She looked at the rings for a minute, saying goodbye. They'd been a symbol of hope and good luck. Things changed.

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong

She took them off and held them in her fingers, asking herself if she'd really do it. Was she strong enough? She thought she was.

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

Better to do it quick. She lifted her hand and let go.

And time makes

It harder

I wish I could remember

She exhaled. It was so easy. Reach up and throw. The glittering rings flew out into the water. She made herself watch them go in. The tears came now, tears of sadness and relief and knowing that she was moving on. She had done it.

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

She'd never forget, but it wouldn't hold her down. She had been hanging on for too long. She let go. She was coming out of the water.

My darling

Who knew?

My darling

I miss you.

Who knew?

Addison took a deep breath and walked away. From everything.

* * *

**Eh. What do you think? points to button with a smile**


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